What did I do wrong?

17 Mar

I was awake staring at the clock at 4am dreading the day before me.

My Cameron was every mother’s dream for the first two years of his life. He listened, followed directions, did what was asked of him and hardly ever had a temper tantrum. For the first 18 months of his life he even ate his vegetables BEFORE he ate his meat (now he refuses to even have a vegetable on his plate). Like I said, every mother’s dream.

Then along came Logan.

It was gradual after Logan was born, Cameron didn’t turn into a terror overnight. It was more day by day, little by little. He we are now, 47 days from his 5th birthday, and I really can’t take it anymore. There are days when I understand why some women are driven to use Duck Tape or hot sauce as a means of discipline. Before you get all fired up and come to lynch me, know that I would never, EVER do that to my children.

I’ve read the Supernanny books. I’ve read 1-2-3 Magic. I can’t seem to get that kid in line. I will not accept the old adage, that “Boys will be boys.”!

Everyday in my house is a struggle. Every task an argument.

I know that I’m giving him exactly what he wants, a fight, but I can’t help myself. Cameron is the master of button pushing. I ask him to do something and he either screams “NO” or he stands there and shakes his head like he’s possessed. The rules of this house, which aren’t anything too extreme, are well known yet he continues to disobey them. He constantly is antagonizing his little brother, and has gone as far as to take his frustrations out on him physically.

I try to compromise with him, you know, a little give and take to try and get him to do what he needs to but nothing works. Nothing is motivation enough for him to do what is asked of him. Most days are spent with me yelling at him and A LOT of time outs. I can’t even get him to take a time out without screaming at him to do it. Sure, in most cases he’ll go to the step, but then he continues to make noise when he knows he should be silent. Or he’ll kick his feet against the wall or steps. Or he’ll just get up without being told he can and disappear. ┬áThere are days when I feel like he turns me into the worst version of myself and it really does break my heart.

I can see the bad boy behavior starting to rub off on Logan now. Logan says, “No!” to me in the same way. He follows his brother right into trouble. He fights back when Cameron tries to push him around, which is going to be bad for Cameron very soon since Logan is my little scrapper. My house could be a case study on monkey see monkey do. My biggest fear is having two bad boys on my hands…AAHHHHHHH!

On the rare day that Cameron is behaving, following the rules, and listening to directions he always says, “This is much more fun than getting yelled at.” Why can’t he seem to remember those moments when he’s misbehaving? I have so much fun with that kid when he’s being good. We laugh. We joke. We play. We hug. It’s just fun. It’s everything I thought being a mother would be every day.

I knew this mother gig wasn’t going to be all hearts and sunshine, but I never imagined I would be THAT mother. You know, the one who can’t control her son without a spectacle. I love my children dearly and I don’t want them to look back on their childhood and resent their mother who yelled all the time. I cherish the fun days and want to see them more often, I wish they were the rule and not just the exception to the rule.

Whatcha got for me? Give me your best parenting advice. What do I do to get my bad boy back in line?

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