Motherhood: It’s kind of like walking the tightrope.

13 Jan

You don’t have to be a mother to need balance in your life, but in my humble opinion, when you’re a mother that balance is ever illusive.

Anyone who knew me well growing up and had been to my house knows I’ve never been a tidy person. When I lived at my parent’s house my closet doors were often unable to be closed because of the mountain of crap blocking their way. My room often looked like there was an explosion in my closet throwing all my clothes around the room. After my sister moved out I took over her room and made a mess out of that too. I usually waited until I had nothing clean to wear before doing laundry thus tying up my mother’s washer and dryer for the entire day. I also had a tendency to overload it and send it dancing across the floor.

Why am I telling you that? Because I’ve never been able to be neat and tidy, I’ve always lived amongst the chaos of a mess.

Now fast forward a few years to me as wife and mother. Now I’m a stay at home mom, with a part time job. Now I have other people’s messes to deal with, not just my own. I have bills to pay. I have an entire house to keep clean and not just one (or in my case two) rooms in my parent’s house. I have my social media addiction and all the projects that go along with it. Most importantly, I have a husband and two kids to keep happy.

I’ve got a lot of balls up in the air and that tends to be pretty overwhelming for me. Yesterday I got a pretty good bitch slapping when one of those balls came crashing down on my head.

Since I got sick the week before Christmas I’ve been in a funk, I haven’t been able to catch up and keep up with everything I have to do. I’ve been making stupid mistakes at home, at work and everywhere in between. For a while there I felt like I had all my little balls raining down on me. This funk has my emotional eating out of control and my sleep is all kinds of screwed up.

Being a mother, be it of the stay at home, work at home or working outside the home variety, it’s like walking the tightrope. You have to have balance or you’re going to fall. Lately I’ve been struggling to stay up, but I’m hoping that I’m starting to turn that around. I’m not looking for perfection: The perfect house. The perfect kids. The perfect life. I’m just looking to not have my house look like a federal disaster area. It would be nice to not dread unannounced visitors around here. I just want to make sure the kids meet their deadlines and stop losing their school work. I want to stop feeling so stressed because my to do list is nine miles long.

How are you finding the balance in your life and keeping all your balls in the air?

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