What I’ve Learned By NOT Yelling

17 Apr

I’m seventeen days into my no yelling challenge and I have to say I’m doing OK. I’ve yelled into the air. I’ve screamed into my pillow. I’ve just walked away. I’ve ignored the obnoxious behavior.

I haven’t yelled.

I’ve spoken firmly but I haven’t changed what I say to the boys, I’ve just changed the tone I say it in.

So what have I learned?

Some of the things that made me yell are stupid. I wasn’t yelling because they were really being bad, I was yelling because they were bothering me. A lot of the time the things that make me yell are just the kids being kids. I can’t really fault them for that.

You catch more flies honey than you do with vinegar. The only results I was getting from yelling at the kids was feeling as if I was going to stroke out. By taking a calm but assertive (yeah, I’m stealing that from the dog whisperer) tone I can actually get them to do what I need them to do a lot more often. It was kind of disarming those first couple days when I calmly asked them to do something and they just did it without a fuss.

We are having a lot more times where the boys are a pleasure to be around. The boys are having more fun and so am I and it makes me feel as though I’m finally doing something right.

Mommyland

Of course now they are kind of used to me not yelling and the novelty of it has worn off so they are testing my boundaries a lot more. Logan has been testing me since the first day but now Cameron is getting in on the action. I will not give in to their testing though, I have to stand firm and remain calm and level headed.

I feel much more calm. I am more relaxed and I’ve lost a lot of that on the edge of my sanity feeling.

Don’t get me wrong, they can still get my blood boiling but at the end of the day I don’t feel as spent over it as I did before I took this challenge.

I’ve let Bill take over the yelling for me and while he’s a little more scary when he yells (since it takes a lot for him to get there) he yells a lot less than I ever did. Is that cheating?

So all in all our house has become a much happier place to be. I no longer worry that someone will call CPS on the days when I have my windows open since I’m not doing any yelling.

Now don’t let any of this fool you, I still have to work at it every day. I find myself biting my tongue a few times a day and I do give myself a time out every now and again. While it’s not second nature yet I hope that someday it will be.

Have you taken the no yelling challenge? How have you been doing with it?

Not taken the challenge yet, why not?

Mommyland

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