I don’t like bugs…Least of all spiders.

29 Apr

While waiting in the drop of line today at Cameron’s school, one of those creepy, jumpy spiders came waltzing through my open window. Before he could attack me I found a pen and flicked him back out. I’m terrified of spiders, always have been, probably alway will be.

When I got home I checked what was going on on facebook and found that 5 Minutes For Mom was looking for bug stories. Here’s what the post said, “And if you REALLY don’t want to think about weddings and gowns today — add your own best BUG story for a chance to win one of two $500 Walmart Gift Cards!” I have a bug story that involves weddings, gowns and bugs, so I’m going to share it today in hopes of being a lucky winner.

Time to set the scene…

It’s my wedding day, I’m standing at the alter with my best friend while (his uncle) the minister does his thing. It’s time to light the unity candle, so off we go. When we come back to our spot at the alter the music is still playing, so we have a few seconds before we move on with the ceremony. Bill leans in towards me and says, “I don’t want you to freak out, but there’s a spider walking across the top of your dress.” DON”T FREAK OUT??? ARE YOU NUTS??? I’m terrified of spiders and there is one crawling on my damn wedding dress while I stand here in front of nearly 200 people and you expect me to not freak out? I slowly look down and sure enough, there the little bastard is pacing across the top of my strapless gown, just millimeters from my bare skin. I squeak, then I try to gingerly brush it off as to avoid having spider guts on the front of my dress. I had to touch it! It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it more than six years later. Luckily I was able to keep my composure and none of our guests knew anything out of the ordinary had happened. I’m my head I ran screaming and crying out of the church though.

The ceremony ends, and I tell my tale to some of the bridal party. My sister, who was the maid (matron sounds so old ladylike) of honor was actually relieved that there was indeed something crawling across my dress. From her vantage point, over my shoulder, it looked like Bill was staring at my chest when he was actually just keeping tabs on my little eight legged friend. My sister spent the ceremony thinking I was marrying some pig who would stare at his woman’s boobs in a church…Thankfully she was wrong (mostly).

There was something else we hadn’t exactly thought about though. Bill was wearing a mic for our video, so all that was said was heard by the camera guy. Ah, the video. The videographer was nice enough to edit out the exchange between Bill and myself, but it still exists on the raw footage we were given. What you can see in our video is that little spider walking back and forth across the top of my gown. He’s just a black speck that you probably wouldn’t even notice if you didn’t know the story, but he’s there in all his glory.

I don’t know where he came from. Did he descend from the heavens to join us on our special day? Was he hiding in my flowers (the most likely scenario). Did he make the trip up my gown from the floor? The world will never know.

Do you have a bug story of your own? Head over to 5 Minutes For Mom and share it there for a chance to win a $500 Walmart gift card. If you do, please leave me a link to it so I can read your story too.