Tag Archives: guilt

Feeling The Mommy Guilt

26 Apr

Yesterday Cameron had his very first field trip. Five classes of kindergarteners went to the Adventure Aquarium.

When I told people he was going on his first field trip they asked if I was going too. Other mothers from his class and pod at school asked if I was going too. Oh my God no! There is no way I could handle spending the day with that many kindergartners…Not unless there was a bottle of wine involved.

I know my limits and spending the day with that many kids would have been a stretch for me. In all fairness though, I do have Logan to worry about too.

I was ok with not going. Like I said, I know my limits.

On the way down to the bus stop I talked to Cameron about listening to the teachers and that there would be chaperones that the needs to listen to. I reminded him to go to the bathroom before he got on the bus to leave and that if he had to go while they were on the trip to tell someone right away. We discussed proper behavior on the bus and at the aquarium.

Then his bus came. As I was walking him to the bus, that’s when it hit me. Why aren’t I going with him? Why wouldn’t I suck it up and be a chaperone and go to the stinking aquarium?

Now I start to fight back the tears as I tell him to have a wonderful time and that I love him.

I’ve been there for every single one of Cameron’s first. His first foods. His first steps. His first word. His first day of school. I was there when he lost his first tooth (yesterday morning). Why the HELL wasn’t I there for his first field trip too?

The kid had a blast and I’m sure he did much better without me there, but I feel like I missed a milestone that I can never get back.

Boy am I getting sappy in my old age.

 Cameron showing off his lost tooth (another first)

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