Tag Archives: injury

Surgery Eve

16 Jul

Today kind of feels like the calm before the storm. There’s a lot I hope to accomplish to make sure I’m set up to relax and do nothing at least through the weekend. Stupid things like making sure the laundry is done since I don’t know when I’ll be able to handle doing it again.

As a teenager I had a few oral surgeries that I can hardly remember. I also had my appendix out in 2005 which included a two day hospital stay. Nothing I’ve already been through has me feeling prepared for what’s to come tomorrow. My appendix surgery was fast, I went into the ER and had little time to think or react as I was wheeled to the OR for surgery before the damn thing ruptured.

I scheduled my ankle surgery last Tuesday and have had more than a week to think about what’s to come.

Mommyland

What’s to come:

I’ll be spending 4 weeks with crutches since I will be unable to do any weight bearing on the right side. After that 4 weeks I will spend another 6-8 in that Godforsaken boot. Perhaps a little PT and then MAYBE I’ll be able to hit the road and start running again.

Since it’s my right ankle we’re dealing with, my ability to drive will be taken away and anywhere I’ll need to go, at least for that first 4 weeks, I’ll need to be driven. I really hate to have to depend so heavily on others like that.

I will also have to swallow my pride and take advantage of those damn jazzy chairs at the grocery store and Costco for a little while. ::beep beep::

The thought of being trapped inside my house has me a little depressed already.

Guilt:

Lately I’ve been overtaken with guilt. I feel guilty that I ruined my kid’s summer by spending most of it crippled and unable to take them to all the fun places we had planned to go. I feel guilty for feeling so miserable about my situation, and that one has me stuck in this horrible cycle of guilt.

Most of all though I feel guilty for putting my family into some serious medical debt. Now that Bill is self-employed and we’ve had to purchase individual insurance our insurance sucks. OK, it’s great if no one gets sick or injured but this injury will set us back tens of thousands of dollars that we just don’t have. The stack of bills sitting on my desk is equivalent to a great vacation and there are still more to come.

Fear:

I’m terrified. I’ll be under general anesthesia and they will be providing an airway for me. Sure I’ve and this before but they never told me ahead of time about it, they knocked my ass out and that was it. People don’t wake up from routine surgeries all the time.

I’m afraid of the pain I’ll be in after. Sure, I’ll be given pain meds but what if they don’t help? I’m a baby, I don’t like pain. What if the next 4 weeks are spent in agony on my couch because I can’t make it up to my bed?

Yeah, yeah, I know I need to stop with the what ifs and just relax but they gave me too much time to lay awake at night and think about all this shit. I’m sure in the end I’ll be fine, I have one of the leading surgeons in his field working on me, but there are two things I find difficult to cope with. First, I don’t like to not have control and nothing that happens tomorrow will be in my control. Second, I have a fear of the unknown. I’ve never had an outpatient surgery like this and I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow.

Wish me luck! And if you’re a praying person maybe say a little prayer for me, I’d really appreciate it.

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I Want To Run Away

14 May

I finally broke down and went to the doctor about this foot and ankle pain I’ve been having since the last half marathon. The only news that I was going to find acceptable was that I could go out and run the next day, but of course that’s not the new I received.

The doctor saw something in my x-ray that made him want a better look so off he sent me for an MRI. Of course he didn’t let me leave without putting me in a brace, a big, bulky brace. With the brace on, the only footwear I could wear was running shoes and the thing was terribly uncomfortable and sometimes painful to wear.

Mommyland

Sexy isn’t it?

I went back for the results of my MRI the next week and thankfully there was nothing broken BUT there was a significant amount of fluid build up and the bones in my foot and ankle aren’t all where they’re supposed to be. The good news is that I don’t have to wear the brace anymore but he told me to hold on to it just incase I find that I want to…Highly unlikely doc!┬áThe bad news is that I STILL can’t run, have to go through four weeks of physical therapy and I still might need surgery when all is said and done.

So here we are today, I’m through three of eight PT sessions, I’m not yet pain free and I’m STILL not running. At my last session I asked the therapist when he thought I could start up again and he told me not yet, but I was cleared to go for a 15 minute brisk walk. WooHoo, a whole 15 minutes WALKING!!! I’m sure you don’t have to be a runner to understand that a 15 minute walk is FAR from a 13.1 mile run.

I’m trying to see some positive in this whole situation so I laced up my shoes and went to the Y to do my 15 minutes on the track. Oh, did I mention these “brisk” walks should be indoors? UGH! Back to the Y though, it was downright embarrassing. I know I shouldn’t care what people think but to be the only one power walking around the track when everyone else is running is kind of mortifying. Are they thinking, “That poor girl isn’t even in enough shape to run.”? Like I said, I shouldn’t care, but I do.

I’ll be taking another walk today and hopefully when I see the therapist and (hopefully) tell him the pain didn’t get worse he’ll let me take a little run. At this point I’d settle for just five minutes.

I knew this would be a long recovery but I feel like it’s moving at a snail’s pace. As I sit here trying to describe how I feel I keep thinking of race horses, or dogs that are ready to run fast and free. I’m chomping at the bit to get bak out there, I need my religion, my therapy, my happy place.

Have you ever had to suffer through a long rehab? How did you 1) get over the mental aspect of not being out there and 2) listen to the docs and therapists to take it slow when you’re mind is telling you it’s time to get back out there?

Mommyland

PT is incredibly boring, I’d rather be RUNNING!

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