This shit is hard! It always has been too. From the time the morning sickness set in when I was pregnant with Cameron its been hard.

Before I go any further, let me say that I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything and I love them more than I ever thought possible. It is possible to be willing to jump in front of a bus for something or someone and still acknowledge the struggle.

Pregnancy

I was NOT one of those glowing women who just adored being pregnant. I was big, like REALLY big. I was uncomfortable. I was generally miserable. My first pregnancy was when the insomnia started, I can still remember wandering the house all night feeling panicked about becoming a mother. And the hormones, oh the hormones, I’m not really sure how anyone close to me survived.

Labor and delivery wasn’t a picnic either. Cameron’s head was so ginormous that he nearly ripped me in half. Logan was kind enough to take so long that the epidural ran out just as we were getting down to the nitty gritty.

Babies

I don’t function well on little sleep and those boys had me up all night and then most of the day. They also had no interest in nursing which only made me feel like more of a failure as a mother.

Worrying that I was going to break them, especially Cameron (since he was first), was something always in the back of my head. The constant worry that I wasn’t feeding them the right foods. Or that I was dressing them too warm or too cold for the weather.

Then there is the amount of work that goes into babies. So much laundry. So many diapers. The constant feedings. The playing and stimulation that goes with helping their little brains develop so they can get into a good school someday.

Children

Every time one of the boys would fall down I’d hold my breath. Was he hurt? Is he going to cry? Would someone see all the bruises this kid as acquired and think I was beating him? At one point Logan had two ER visits with head injuries within six months of each other. I thought for sure that CPS would be knocking at my door.

Diaper changes since neither of them decided to potty train until I forced it on them at the three and a half year mark. Being peed on. Catching shit in my bare hand. Changing dirty underwear a thousand times a day. I couldn’t wait for them to be potty trained, certainly life would be easier then.

HA!

The fighting and the biting between the boys (who are two and a half years apart in age) was almost more than I could handle.

Tweens

OK, they can wipe their own asses, it’s time, life will be easier. They no longer need me to provide everything that they eat, they’re more self sufficient, life will be easier. I have two kids in school all day, life will be easier.

Nope. The old difficulties were replaced with new ones. Bigger kids. Bigger problems.

Learning to navigate the internet with these children who have almost constant access to it. Dealing with them being influenced from the environment outside our home. Friends and peer pressure.

The beginnings of puberty…Need I say more?

The fighting and sometimes biting still didn’t stop.

Teens

This is the part that no one could have prepared me for. The sights. The noise. THE SMELLS!

Their education has become more important. In middle and high school grades matter a lot more than they used to. Will they go to college? Will they be able to get in? About the only thing I do know if that it’s paid for…Thank the good lord for my parents!

Now we have girlfriends and social drama added to the mix. As if all of that wasn’t difficult enough, we’re doing all this during a global pandemic.

Cameron will be able to get his learner’s permit in just a few short months. Then I will have the added horror of that child behind the wheel of a car. The saying Jesus take the wheel has never felt more appropriate.

Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.

Like I said, this shit is hard! If you’re just starting out on your parenting adventure, I’m here to tell you that it’s not going to get any easier any time soon. Buckle up, you’re in for a bumpy ride.

Do you have adult children? Can you tell us, does it ever get easier to be a parent? Please let us know in the comment section on on social media. We all want to know, is there hope?

I’m seventeen days into my no yelling challenge and I have to say I’m doing OK. I’ve yelled into the air. I’ve screamed into my pillow. I’ve just walked away. I’ve ignored the obnoxious behavior.

I haven’t yelled.

I’ve spoken firmly but I haven’t changed what I say to the boys, I’ve just changed the tone I say it in.

So what have I learned?

Some of the things that made me yell are stupid. I wasn’t yelling because they were really being bad, I was yelling because they were bothering me. A lot of the time the things that make me yell are just the kids being kids. I can’t really fault them for that.

You catch more flies honey than you do with vinegar. The only results I was getting from yelling at the kids was feeling as if I was going to stroke out. By taking a calm but assertive (yeah, I’m stealing that from the dog whisperer) tone I can actually get them to do what I need them to do a lot more often. It was kind of disarming those first couple days when I calmly asked them to do something and they just did it without a fuss.

We are having a lot more times where the boys are a pleasure to be around. The boys are having more fun and so am I and it makes me feel as though I’m finally doing something right.

Of course now they are kind of used to me not yelling and the novelty of it has worn off so they are testing my boundaries a lot more. Logan has been testing me since the first day but now Cameron is getting in on the action. I will not give in to their testing though, I have to stand firm and remain calm and level headed.

I feel much more calm. I am more relaxed and I’ve lost a lot of that on the edge of my sanity feeling.

Don’t get me wrong, they can still get my blood boiling but at the end of the day I don’t feel as spent over it as I did before I took this challenge.

I’ve let Bill take over the yelling for me and while he’s a little more scary when he yells (since it takes a lot for him to get there) he yells a lot less than I ever did. Is that cheating?

So all in all our house has become a much happier place to be. I no longer worry that someone will call CPS on the days when I have my windows open since I’m not doing any yelling.

Now don’t let any of this fool you, I still have to work at it every day. I find myself biting my tongue a few times a day and I do give myself a time out every now and again. While it’s not second nature yet I hope that someday it will be.

Have you taken the no yelling challenge? How have you been doing with it?

Not taken the challenge yet, why not?