Tag Archives: yelling

What I’ve Learned By NOT Yelling

17 Apr

I’m seventeen days into my no yelling challenge and I have to say I’m doing OK. I’ve yelled into the air. I’ve screamed into my pillow. I’ve just walked away. I’ve ignored the obnoxious behavior.

I haven’t yelled.

I’ve spoken firmly but I haven’t changed what I say to the boys, I’ve just changed the tone I say it in.

So what have I learned?

Some of the things that made me yell are stupid. I wasn’t yelling because they were really being bad, I was yelling because they were bothering me. A lot of the time the things that make me yell are just the kids being kids. I can’t really fault them for that.

You catch more flies honey than you do with vinegar. The only results I was getting from yelling at the kids was feeling as if I was going to stroke out. By taking a calm but assertive (yeah, I’m stealing that from the dog whisperer) tone I can actually get them to do what I need them to do a lot more often. It was kind of disarming those first couple days when I calmly asked them to do something and they just did it without a fuss.

We are having a lot more times where the boys are a pleasure to be around. The boys are having more fun and so am I and it makes me feel as though I’m finally doing something right.


Of course now they are kind of used to me not yelling and the novelty of it has worn off so they are testing my boundaries a lot more. Logan has been testing me since the first day but now Cameron is getting in on the action. I will not give in to their testing though, I have to stand firm and remain calm and level headed.

I feel much more calm. I am more relaxed and I’ve lost a lot of that on the edge of my sanity feeling.

Don’t get me wrong, they can still get my blood boiling but at the end of the day I don’t feel as spent over it as I did before I took this challenge.

I’ve let Bill take over the yelling for me and while he’s a little more scary when he yells (since it takes a lot for him to get there) he yells a lot less than I ever did. Is that cheating?

So all in all our house has become a much happier place to be. I no longer worry that someone will call CPS on the days when I have my windows open since I’m not doing any yelling.

Now don’t let any of this fool you, I still have to work at it every day. I find myself biting my tongue a few times a day and I do give myself a time out every now and again. While it’s not second nature yet I hope that someday it will be.

Have you taken the no yelling challenge? How have you been doing with it?

Not taken the challenge yet, why not?



I don’t want to yell at my kids anymore.

3 Apr


I’m a yelly mommy. I don’t really want to be, I mean who does, but it just kind of happens.

I hate to yell at the kids, it makes me feel like the very worse version of myself and I want so much more for the boys. I want Cameron and Logan to look back on their childhood and remember fun times and a cool mom. Although not too cool, they still need those boundaries.

I know it’s me who has to change, the kids are…well, they’re kids. The thought has been sitting in the back of my mind for sometime now. In fact I think it’s been there since the first time I ever raised my voice to Cameron.

I woke up on Monday to a tweet from one of my followers that said she thought it might be of some interest to me. I lay in bed and click the link and was brought to a blog that was probably more motivating to me than anything I’ve come across in a long time.

The Orange Rhino Challenge. I haven’t dug too far into it yet but the basic premiss is that she up and decided one day that she wasn’t going to yell at her four boys for a whole year. This woman has twice as many boys as I do and if she can make it 420 days and counting, then I certainly can get myself under control and stop yelling at my two boys.

Still in bed, I lay pondering the idea of not yelling anymore. Could I do it? I’ve tried before and it never lasted long.

Then I found The Orange Rhino’s tips to get started. As I read her 12 steps I mentally checked off in my head and smiled. Maybe I CAN do this.

I know I NEED to change. I really WANT to change. I’m going to make this change!

Step one…Check!

I’ve set the goal of one month. April 1st to May 1st, I CAN do this!

Step two…Check!

I’m sharing my goal with you in hopes that you will all keep me accountable. I’ll post updates on the Mommyland Facebook page so you can see how I’m doing. I’m also going to update you here with my struggles (because I know I’ll have some) and how I’m dealing with naughty boys if I’m not yelling at them.

Step three…Check!

I’ve reached out to some friends and family to help me out and be my support network. My girls are ready to get crazed messages from me should I feel like I might explode.

Step four…Check!

I’m going to take a page from The Orange Rhino’s book and use post-its to help track my triggers. I can already tell you that being tired is one of my big ones.

Step five…In progress!

Learning how to NOT yell at the boys has been interesting so far. Thankfully my months of yoga practice have taught me some good breathing tactics and I’ve put them to use. I’ve also started to just walk away.

While Logan was having the mother of all temper tantrums on Monday, (which is actually out of character for him) I walked away and started vacuuming the kitchen. The vacuum was kind enough to drown out most of the crying and little foot stomping.

Step six…In progress!

Much like yoga is a practice, so is this and I will have to work at it everyday. Practice makes perfect you know. Or at least maybe it makes a better mom.

Step seven…In progress!

Smaller goals have always worked better for me, they make me feel as though I’m accomplishing things as I work through small goals on my way up to the big ones.

Every time the boys do something that makes me want to yell I just need to remember ONE MONTH. I can do this!

Step eight…Check!

The hardest thing for me is to not be too hard on myself. I’m only in the first few days of this and I’m sure I might slip up but I need to remember if I do slip that I am committed to this and I WILL do it. Tomorrow is another day to get it right.

Step nine…In progress!

Each morning, once Cameron is on the bus and I realize I made it through another chaotic morning without yelling, I take a moment to celebrate. It’s not much, maybe just a smile and an internal pat on the back but I don’t let those moments pass me by unnoticed.

Everyday is a new milestone as I make my way towards being a better mother.

Step ten…Check!

In the past couple of days I’ve felt the yell trying to pop back out, but this time I had the presence of mind to stop it in it’s tracks. I didn’t realize how second nature the yelling had become, it’s almost like breathing for me. Making myself more aware has helped me keep it under control.

Step eleven…in progress!

I’m not the only yelly mommy in the world even though sometimes it feels that way. It might sound strange but I take a little comfort in that. I don’t want to be this way and I’m sure the other yelly mommies don’t either. We’re all in this together.

Step twelve…Check!

I’ve tried this not yelling thing before without much success and I’m sure there are some people who think I can’t do it. There was something I didn’t have before, the right mindset.

I’ve been really surprised at how much I’ve learned in the past couple of days. I’ve gained a great deal of insight into what kinds of things make me yell and when I’m more likely to resort to yelling. That knowledge has really helped me be more aware of when I need to take those deep breaths to keep myself under control.

Are you a yelly mommy too? Do you wish you weren’t? Why don’t you come on this journey with me and we can work together to be better mothers.

If you’re a recovering yelly mommy I’d love to hear any tips or insight you might have, please share.

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