We both lived happily ever after, just not together.

29 Mar

A long long time ago, in what now seems like another life, I had a best friend. The person I trusted. The person I wrote actual letters to before there was email. The person I sent emails to once it was available, man that makes me feel old. We hung out on occasion, but the fact that we lived quite a few towns apart meant there wouldn’t be too much hanging out until we got our driver’s licenses. Yeah, I’m going pretty far back now. My friend was my safe place. The person I could tell my problems to and bitch about my boyfriends. This person kept me from doing some pretty stupid and self destructive things in my early 20’s, just by being there to talk. He would talk to me about the psychos he dated (little did I know I would someday rank among them), and I would try not to judge.

Then it all went south…

We started dating. I knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn’t the right thing to do. I knew sooner or later it would ruin a friendship that had spanned the length of a decade. Of course it was wonderful at first, we got to skip over all that tedious getting to know you crap since we’d pretty much been kids together. But just like I knew, it didn’t last. I now rank among the psychos he had dated. I knew my first (and thankfully only) real heart break when I lost him. Looking back on it now all these years later, it was not the boyfriend I morned over, it was the friend. I knew on that sunny afternoon in April that I would probably never see him again.

Why am I going here now? Why am I bringing up an ex boyfriend when I’ve been so happily married for over six years? Simple, I miss my friend. Before we so royally messed things up by dating, he was more like a brother to me. Yeah, it makes things sound so very back woods doesn’t it? I had always envisioned him with his love and me with mine having good times together. Our kids playing together. A life long friend who was truly a friend.

In this internet age, the insomniac can find amazing things on the internet when she’s not sleeping. Sometimes we stumble upon things that truly shock us. That happened to me recently. I saw that him and his wife are expecting what I can only assume to be their first child. I don’t know why I found it shocking, hell I have two kids of my own. I guess while I continued to age and move on I always pictured him as the same 22 year old dude.

I digress.

I wonder if he ever wonders about me? Misses his friend? Wants to congratulate me on my life’s triumphs the way I want to congratulate him on his. I’m happy he found someone to share his life with. I’m so excited for him to become a father. I’d love the chance to say those things to him. To tell him I’ve missed his friendship and thank him for the lessons he taught me. So here I am, putting it out there. Maybe someday he’ll stumble upon my little blog and know I wish him nothing but happiness and luck with everything he does.

Thank you for being my most trusted friend all those years.

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