We Are Family…

28 Jul

I went back to bloggy summer camp today! I thought this would be a good post to share since it’s something I think about often.

I come from a family of four; my parent’s, older sister and myself. Although there were four of us, I never had a sibling to play with growing up since my sister is ten years older than me.

As long as I can remember I always imagined myself having two kids, even when I didn’t like kids. I knew there would have to be more than one, and I knew they would be closer in age than my sister and I had been. Whenever I thought of myself as a mother I always thought I’d have a little girl. I wanted a boy too, so he could look after his younger sister. Yeah, this way my thinking WAAAAY back in the day. I never really saw myself fit to be the mother of boys though, I’m too much of a girlie girl to have boys. I hate bugs and dirt. I love to shop and gossip, I’m a girl mom to the core.

And here I am with two boys. How the hell did I end up the mother of boys?

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my guys for anything, but now I’m left questioning things. I only ever wanted two. I don’t think I could handle any more. But I still really want a little girl in my life. Sure, I know they have a tendency to be divas, and any daughter of mine is sure to be a diva. I still want a little mini me, someone to do the fun things with that I like to do with my mom. I want pink and patent leather Mary Jane’s in my life. I want pig tails and dresses.

So what’s holding me back? Well, like I said, I don’t think I can handle any more children. The two I have already keep me on my toes. I also need better than 50/50 odds for a little girl. With the kind of luck we have, we’ll go for the girl and have triplet boys. Me with five kids??? AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

There is a financial aspect to not having anymore children. Kids, especially babies are expensive. Can we afford another mouth to feed?

So I always thought that I wanted a family of four, a version of what I grew up in. But I also feel like there’s something missing in not having my little girl. This is where the conflict comes in, that is of course setting the financial aspect aside. Do I put my fears of having a house full of little boys and being grossly outnumbered as a parent aside? Should I just be grateful for the family I have and accept that I’ll never have pig tails and dresses in my life? Every time I think I’ve made up my mind I second guess myself.

Our little family fits perfectly into my Outback. With another baby we’d have no guest bedroom. I’m finally sleeping through the night. We’re almost completely through with diapers. I don’t need to pack a diaper bag anymore, a few diapers and wipes kept in the car get the job done. No bottles.

A little girl would bring some fun toys into the house (I miss Barbie). The clothes are so stinkin’ cute. I would have the family I always thought I would have. There are no girls in the family, I’m the last shot for my parent’s to have a granddaughter. I want someone to do the girlie stuff with. I need someone to carry on my role as The Princess. I just really want a little girl.

What to do? What to do? I can’t just leave it up to fate since fate is being interrupted by birth control. There (likely) isn’t going to be another baby in this house without a conscious thought. To answer the question of how big of a family do I want? I just don’t know. It might be easier to just be happy with what I have if people would stop looking at me with my two boys and asking if I’m going to try for a girl.

Check out some of the families of the other campers.

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