10 Oct

Six years ago my body was expanding and contorting to accommodate my ever growing baby. During my pregnancy with Cameron I gained 60 pounds…Yes, you read that right, six zero. After he was born everything sagged. EVERYTHING! My once nicely proportioned, nicely sized and perky boobs were replaced with these things that show more of a resemblance to deflated balloons. OK, with the right bra, they look alright I guess. It wasn’t just my boobs that were sagging, my stomach was a flabby, wiggly, wrinkly, mess. More than a half a decade later my midsection still looks like it belongs to a 91 year old woman, not a 31 year old one. My bikini days are a thing of the past.

I actually contemplated posting a picture of what my stomach looks like now but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. For those of you who are brave enough to post your belly pictures…My hat goes off to you.

The havoc that child bearing wreaked on my body did not stop at the boobs and belly. My hair is now the most disgusting texture you would ever imagine. How does someone with stick straight hair also have frizz? I thought frizz was a curly hair problem. It’s also limp and dull. Oh, and lets not forget about all the gray hairs that keep popping out…HELLO, I’m only 31!! As if having frizzy straight hair that is rapidly graying wasn’t bad enough it is forever falling out. It’s a wonder I’m not bald by now. It comes out in the shower, when I brush it, in a strong wind, while I’m sleeping, all the time. The clumps drift across the bathroom floor like tumble weed. I vacuum and a few hours later they’re back.

I feel like crap about myself. Forget not feeling pretty anymore, I feel frumpy and downright ugly and it’s affecting the rest of my life. Who wants to go anywhere when you feel like you look like shit in everything in your closet? Why the hell would I EVER let my husband see me naked when I’m saggin’ and baggin’ and have more damn rolls than a bakery? I don’t even let me see me naked.

Ah, poor Bill, putting up with my temper tantrums when I can’t find anything to wear and hour before we have to leave the house. Poor Bill for other reasons too, but my mother reads this blog and I’m not going into my sex life with her.

I’ve started to really watch what I eat and get more active. I keep telling myself that maybe if I lose the twelve pounds I’m still holding on to I’ll feel better, but will I? Is the number going to make a difference when everything is so grossly out of proportion? That number has nothing to do with the frizzy rat’s nest sitting on top of my head. And I don’t think losing weight will make the bag under my eyes go away either. ((sigh))

On my honeymoon.

I would give anything to feel the way I did about myself ten six years ago. I felt hot, and not in the temperature way. I had a flat stomach, perky boobs and great hair. There were no bags under my eyes or rolls on my middle.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear some of you say, “Look what you’ve gotten out of the deal. You have two adorable, happy, healthy boys to show for it all.” I know that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look good. Seriously moms, don’t we all want to be a MILF?

So what prompted this sudden look at myself and the things I wish would change? Last week I read a great post at Growing Up Geeky that made me think. In this post, Mama G talks about how she doesn’t feel pretty anymore. Her hair isn’t the same color and is always falling out. Her complexion is more like a middle schooler than a mother. As I read her post, I felt her pain.

Are Mama G and I alone? Do other mothers feel unpretty? Do other mothers really care or are they too busy raising babies to be so vain?



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