The Mommyland Expansion Project.

17 May

People ask me all the time if we’re finished having babies or if we’re going to, “try for a girl”. I never really know what to say. Why? Because I really don’t know.

I would love to have a little girl. I look at the relationship I have now with my own mother and I would love to have a daughter of my own to do the things that only moms and their daughters can do.

I would love to have another baby. Would I? I don’t even know that for sure. Do I miss those sleepless nights? Nope! Do I miss the 3am feeds? Not a chance. Am I happy that I’m finally a size I’m happy with? Oh God yes. I gained 60 and 62 pounds respectively with those boys and it’s taken me three and a half years to get that weight back off. But children are really worth all that sacrifice, really they are.

What’s stopping me from putting my foot down and saying enough is enough? I’m not ready to move to the next chapter of my life. I’m still in denial that I’m 32, closing the door on more children feels like closing the door on my youth. Yes, I know that seems a little ridiculous.

There are days when I want another baby so bad that I can almost feel her (or him) in my arms.

Then I have a rough day with the boys and I’m ready do run out and get my tubes tied.

It wasn’t too long ago that I was asking myself how would I know when I was ready to have children, now I find myself wondering how I’ll know when I’m finished?

That’s the emotional side, now let’s get practical.

We live a fairly comfortable life, but not without many sacrifices, can we afford to bring another child into this world? The diapers, the food, the utilities, it all adds up with the little buggers and that just the expenses in the beginning. Could we ever afford three (or more) college tuitions?

Where would that child sleep? We have a four bedroom house and I don’t want the kids sharing rooms. Looks like I’d have to sacrifice our home office for another child. Where would all that stuff go? We’d need a bigger car since I can’t fit all those car seats in the back of mine.

Can we really afford to expand our little family by one?

The biggest thing stopping me?

I am a miserable pregnant woman. I don’t glow or look radiant. Quite the opposite actually, I look run down, tired, and HUGE. I didn’t enjoy either one of my pregnancies, in fact I couldn’t wait until they were over. I am probably the most miserable pregnant person to ever walk the face of the planet and I have the photographic proof of it.

Does that look like someone who should be having anymore kids?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what the future brings to Mommyland. Will I stay in denial indefinitely about being through with babies or will I finally come to a decision one way or another? Stick around to find out.

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