50 Shades of Meh.

 It didn’t get me all hot and bothered.

I was finally talked into reading the 50 Shades trilogy and I have to say it left me a little disappointed. I’m not sure what this says about my but there wasn’t nearly enough “kinky fuckery” . With all the stories on TV and from my friends, I thought it would be a non-stop kinky freak show. Don’t get me wrong there was a lot of sex…I mean A LOT but it didn’t make me feel like tossing my iPad aside and mounting my husband. Sorry honey.

I saw on the news the other day that the 50 Shades books have sparked a baby boom. Really?!? They even have a name for the babies conceived “because” of these books. You’re gonna love this one…Grey Babies or Greybies. I think I just threw up a little. I guess there must be something wrong with me.

Let  me share a few of my observations with you.

The characters weren’t very original.

As I read the books I noticed a parallel between 50 Shades and the Twilight Saga. It was almost like this was the adult version of Twilight.

Bella/Ana: Both have unique and uncommon (at least before their books) names that were shortened. Both innocent, unexperienced brunettes who come from broken homes. Both incredibly clumsy and think of themselves as ordinary.

Edward/Christian: Both hot bad boys who live alternative lifestyles (yes, I consider being a vampire an alternative lifestyle). Similar wild, sexy hair. The color of their eyes is a central part of the books. Both amazingly wealthy and want for nothing. Both were overprotective control freaks. Both are accomplished pianists…Really? There are no other instruments to play? Midnight Sun and Shades of Christian (at the end of 50 Shades Freed) were unfinished stories told from the men’s point of view.

Charlie/Ray: Although Ray is not technically Ana’s father we’ll use him. Both of them like to fish, and neither ever moved on from the mother. Neither can cook for themselves. Both girls eventually went to live with dear old dad. Charlie and Ray were both close with friends of Bella and Ana. Both men were good with firearms.

Jake/José: Dark skinned men who had their love unrequited. Both thought of as more like brother figures. Both from less than wealthy families.

Renee/Carla: Both described as being harebrained. Both women were flighty when it came to jobs and hobbies. Both married and had children young. Both lived in the south.

Both books took place in Washington. Really? Nothing cool happens outside of the Seattle area?

There actually was a story there.

It was kind of a sweet story too if you take out all the sex. It actually wasn’t until someone told me there was an actual storyline that I decided to read the books.

I enjoy living vicariously through fictional character’s lives. I couldn’t care less about real life celebrities, but I love the fictional people.

I really liked the story that was hidden behind all the sexy time and bad writing. I found myself quickly reading through the sex to get back to what was actually going on. By the last book I was seriously rolling my eyes like, “here we go again!”

“Here we go AGAIN!”

Every so often a book will grab me and I have a hard time putting it down…These books had that affect on me. Once I started I kept wanting more…Not like THAT though! I read all three books in just about five days which for me is lightning fast.

What did you think? Share your feelings on the 50 Shades trilogy, did it get your juices flowing?