I Want To Run Away

I finally broke down and went to the doctor about this foot and ankle pain I’ve been having since the last half marathon. The only news that I was going to find acceptable was that I could go out and run the next day, but of course that’s not the new I received.

The doctor saw something in my x-ray that made him want a better look so off he sent me for an MRI. Of course he didn’t let me leave without putting me in a brace, a big, bulky brace. With the brace on, the only footwear I could wear was running shoes and the thing was terribly uncomfortable and sometimes painful to wear.

Sexy isn’t it?

I went back for the results of my MRI the next week and thankfully there was nothing broken BUT there was a significant amount of fluid build up and the bones in my foot and ankle aren’t all where they’re supposed to be. The good news is that I don’t have to wear the brace anymore but he told me to hold on to it just incase I find that I want to…Highly unlikely doc! The bad news is that I STILL can’t run, have to go through four weeks of physical therapy and I still might need surgery when all is said and done.

So here we are today, I’m through three of eight PT sessions, I’m not yet pain free and I’m STILL not running. At my last session I asked the therapist when he thought I could start up again and he told me not yet, but I was cleared to go for a 15 minute brisk walk. WooHoo, a whole 15 minutes WALKING!!! I’m sure you don’t have to be a runner to understand that a 15 minute walk is FAR from a 13.1 mile run.

I’m trying to see some positive in this whole situation so I laced up my shoes and went to the Y to do my 15 minutes on the track. Oh, did I mention these “brisk” walks should be indoors? UGH! Back to the Y though, it was downright embarrassing. I know I shouldn’t care what people think but to be the only one power walking around the track when everyone else is running is kind of mortifying. Are they thinking, “That poor girl isn’t even in enough shape to run.”? Like I said, I shouldn’t care, but I do.

I’ll be taking another walk today and hopefully when I see the therapist and (hopefully) tell him the pain didn’t get worse he’ll let me take a little run. At this point I’d settle for just five minutes.

I knew this would be a long recovery but I feel like it’s moving at a snail’s pace. As I sit here trying to describe how I feel I keep thinking of race horses, or dogs that are ready to run fast and free. I’m chomping at the bit to get bak out there, I need my religion, my therapy, my happy place.

Have you ever had to suffer through a long rehab? How did you 1) get over the mental aspect of not being out there and 2) listen to the docs and therapists to take it slow when you’re mind is telling you it’s time to get back out there?

PT is incredibly boring, I’d rather be RUNNING!