Buh Bye Elf!

The Elf on the Shelf is the bane of my holiday existence.

It’s definitely not something I would have purchased for my family, but alas, he was a gift and the kids saw him before I could make him magically disappear. Logan received our elf, Mac for his birthday a few years back and ever since he’s returned every Black Friday and left every Christmas Eve, making every morning in-between a struggle.

I guess Mac needs to keep an extra eye on Logan.

I swear, the person who gave Logan the elf must hate me!

I can barely remember my own name in the wee hours of the morn, let alone remember to move that God forsaken elf. Why not move it the night before you ask? Because by the time those kids are in bed I’m so frazzled I stumble to bed myself.

I’m the mother of two very boy-like little boys, my life is nothing short of insane.

Elf in a bucket.

I’ve made it an art of coming up with excises as to why Mac is still in the same place he was the morning before. He was tired. The dog was up so he couldn’t sneak away. I was up so he couldn’t sneak away. His arm is stuck in the cookbook…door…plant…whatever he was sitting next too. He was covered in too much dust to fly. He was too tired. You were too bad, he didn’t want to go to the North Pole with yet another bad report. Maybe he just LIKES that spot.

That face! The creepy smile. The lack of feet or hands. The way the eyes don’t move but they still seem to follow you wherever you go (or maybe that’s just me).

I see all the posts on social media about the naughty things elves do or the creative ways parents make them move around and I just roll my eyes. When you’re trying to get your kids to behave and NOT be naughty why the hell would you want an elf making a mess in your house? I don’t know about you, but I already have two kids, a husband, a dog and a cat to do that, I don’t need a friggin’ elf making a mess too! If you’re one of those Pinterest worthy parents who comes up with cute and funny ways to use your elf to bring the holiday cheer, that’s great for you but I have no aspirations to be like you.

I don’t get much more creative than this.

The Elf on the Shelf doesn’t seem to have any effect on my boy’s behavior. The knowledge that he’s flying to the North Pole to let Santa know that they started beating the shit out of each other for no apparent reason does not keep them from fighting. They’ll talk back and carry on right in front of him.

So what’s the point?

For me, Mac is just another thing to cause me stress during the holidays. Just another thing to beat myself up over when I forget to move him and leave him sitting in the same spot for days on end. Just another reminder of my lack of creativity.

So why do it do it?

Because the boys love it. That stupid elf brings smiles to their sweet little faces. The excitement on their faces when they find him first thing in the morning (assuming I remembered to move him). I might forget about Mac often but they never do. They look forward to him every year so I will keep the tradition going.

Someday, when they have kids of their own, I will torture their wives by giving them their very own Elf on the Shelf.

Mac’s final resting place before he goes “home”.

Do you have an elf? What’s his name?

Merry Christmas from Mommyland!