Tag Archives: improve my marriage

How I’m improving my marriage now.

3 Jan

A while back I participated in a few challenges with Project Marriage, but the last few months I haven’t been too active. This month’s Project Marriage challenge is the perfect way to help me improve my marriage now.

If I’m being honest, 2011 was a tough year for our marriage. I spent a lot of time wanting to strangle Bill. I even walked out (for a few hours) and the big D word was rattling around in my head.

Somehow we got a little off track last year and I totally hold Bill’s job responsible for most of our issues. He’d get grumpy about something work related and brings it home with him. I’d get pissed off that he was grumpy and I’d be grumpy too. The kids were acting out amidst all the tension and everyone was miserable.

Just before Christmas we took a date night and talked a bit. We both know that we both need to make some changes. We love each other. We want to be together. Our marriage is worth the work.

When I saw that January’s Project Marriage challenge was to make some Marriage Resolutions I thought it was the perfect opportunity to put out to the universe the things I’m going to do to improve my marriage. I’ve already told you that I’m not a fan of the word resolution, it makes me feel like I’m setting myself up for failure, so I hope that ladies of Project Marriage won’t mind if I call these my Marriage Goals.

Here we go…

Try not to be so controlling. I’m a my way or the highway kind of girl and I’m going to work on keeping an open mind to the way Bill wants to do things when it’s not exactly how I would do it myself.

Get some alone time outside the house. I don’t care if we drop the boys off with my parents, have them come here or pay a babysitter, we MUST get out of the house for some together time. I’d like to say once a month, but I’m not sure how realistic that is, so I’ll settle for every other month. All too often at home date nights turn into use parking our asses on the couch, not talking and/or being glued to our devices. We need to get out of the house for dinner or drinks and some face time.

I need to keep up with my job. I know we’re not living in 1952, but Bill does bring home the bacon and I am the stay at home mom (no, I don’t count my part time job as working), so it’s kind of my job to make sure the house is taken care of and that we have a home cooked meal on the table most nights. Bill has enough to worry about at work without coming home to a disaster worthy of FEMA in the house and then having to prepare a meal for us all.

Create a calm environment. This one is already on my other list of New Year’s goals. I need to stop with the yelling. The last thing Bill wants to come home to is bad kids and a screaming banshee of a wife. Calm and assertive.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m going to try really hard to let it go when Bill does the laundry and doesn’t use the little cups to measure out the soap. When he leaves his closet door open, I’m just going to close it and not make a federal case out of it. Life is too short to get my panties in a bunch over stupid shit like that. I’m sure it’ll take a lot of work and I’ll probably do a lot of counting to ten, but the family is more important than that stupidness.

I will not get pissed off when Bill doesn’t read my mind. It’s time to grow up and realize that if I don’t verbalize my wants and needs he’s probably not going to figure them out on his own.

Be more affectionate. Sit a little closer on the couch. Hold hands when we’re in the car. Leave little notes in his bag. Send a quick text to let him know I’m thinking of him. Who knows, he might even start to reciprocate.

Since we both need to work on things, I’d like to see Bill try as well. On my wish list…

Be more affectionate. I need love and affection more than just when he’s looking to get a little something.

TRY to leave the work bullshit at work where it belongs. I know this one will probably take some work. I think we would ALL be happier if he could just leave the work crap and bad moods at the door and focus on family instead of work when he gets home.

Put the iPad, iPhone, MacBook down. I need to work on this one too. Just because the kids are in bed doesn’t mean it’s time to pick up our devices and ignore each other. We’ve been known to tweet or even text each other while in the same house.

Watch the tone. Maybe I’m just over sensitive, but I swear sometimes he talks to me like I’m the stupidest person on the planet. I used to work. I have a degree from Penn State too. At least pretend like I have a brain between my ears (sometimes).

This year we will celebrate our seventh anniversary and instead of suffering from the “seven year itch”, I want us to have our best year yet.

Do you have anything you’d like to do to try and improve your marriage? Married a while? What’s the secret? Share your words of wisdom with the rest of us.

Check out other couple’s Marriage Resolutions and lots more at Project Marriage.

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