Running is probably one of my favorite things in the world. I don’t always want to go out and do it but I’ve never, EVER regretted the choice to go out and run.

This time last year I was in an amazing place. I felt strong, healthy and I was getting ready for my first major race since high school. The Broad Street Run was a spectacular experience and I couldn’t wait to run it again.

It wasn’t long after Broad Street that the nagging injuries started to pop up. Aches and pains here and there that I had never felt before and an iliotibial band injury that really slowed me down this past fall.

I’m pretty sure the world knows how bad this winter was and that put a major kink in my running, which left me open to overuse injury as I rushed to get ready for two half marathons that were only two weeks apart.

Fast forward to now.

The pain started after the second half marathon. For the first couple days after I had pain in my lower legs but after three or four days that pain became focused in my right foot and ankle. BAD pain! The pain was there all the time and often woke me up at night. Ice and ibuprofen became my best friends. That constant pain would occasionally become a sharp, shooting, stabbing pain that would make me see stars and would come on with no warning whatsoever.

Three weeks I went without running. I iced, took ibuprofen regularly, elevated the foot when I could and tried to work it out with the foam roller. Slowly the pain started to fade and it wasn’t there all time time but the occasional shooting pain was still there. With Broad Street a couple weeks away I needed to get back out there, so after three weeks that’s what I did.

It wasn’t horrible but there was significant pain. My hope was beginning to be restored. I could tell that I was favoring that foot and that I definitely had a slight limp in my gait but I pushed on. Then I ran today and lost all hope. Not only do I have the pain in my foot and ankle on my right side but because of the way I’m running I’ve irritated that IT band again. Both of my legs are ready to call it quits. Now it hurts to bend my left knee and put weight on my right foot.

Take me out back behind the barn.

Realizing that I would have to defer for Broad Street this year and sit it out was like a knife to the chest. Realizing that I’m not going to spend these beautiful spring mornings on the road logging in the miles makes me sick. I spent the first half of my day unable to stop crying and I get a feeling there are more tears to come.

Running has become my religion. My sanity. My release. One of very few things that makes me truly happy. A great deal of my self worth comes from my ability to run and run well. I am proud of the things I’ve accomplished in my running shoes and I want more.

Some of you might think I’m crazy but I’ll ask you to take something that you love, something you excel at, something that makes you feel like you can do anything and stop doing it. To me, my inability to run is like and inability to breathe.

Awesome, now I’m crying again.

So what’s next?

I’m going to see my sports medicine doc at the Rothman Institute., they take care of the pros and I know they can get me back out there again as soon as possible. I have no idea what could be wrong or what exactly caused this but I know I need to find it and fix it.

I will not run until I see the doctor and I will follow whatever he tells me to do to the letter.

Really, I’m not sure how I’m going to handle being sidelined, the three weeks I took off made me miserable and highly irritable. I feel bad for Bill and the kids because as much as this is hell for me, I’m sure I’ll put them through hell whether I mean to or not.

Time for more ice and ibuprofen…And perhaps some ice cream. Wish me luck.

Facing setbacks.

Setbacks are common, it’s how we handle them that determines our level of success. I had my first setback since getting back into the swing of things and I have to admit I was scared.

It started two weeks ago with a strange pain. That strange pain turned into a different but seemingly related pain. Then last Thursday I had to abandon a workout for the first time EVER. I couldn’t breathe and trying to get a good deep breath left me in agony, seeing spots.

Of course this all happened while I was over a mile from my parent’s house. It was a long, cold walk back with nothing but my thoughts. The music was playing but I didn’t hear it, all I heard were my thoughts on how disappointed I was in myself for “giving up”. All I could hear were my fears that there was something wrong that would cause such intense pain. Add to all that the fact that I was nearly hypothermic from being good and sweaty when I stopped to walk a mile home.

I figured I should make an appointment with my doctor but hey, ignorance is bliss and if something is wrong I don’t want to know about it.

That is until the next day

I went to yoga and it felt great. I left relaxed and feeling good. As I was walking, WALKING to get Logan, I got that sharp, stabbing cramp again and I couldn’t breathe.

That was all I needed to go home and immediately call the doctor. I’m not going to mess around with something that could potentially leave me on the side of the road. Thankfully they took me right away and the doctor was very nice. After some listening, a lot of deep breathing and some poking around she told me I had damaged the cartilage that connects my ribcage to my breast bone.

OUCH!

The good news is that it wouldn’t leave me sidelined and I can continue to run. I’ve been instructed to take it a little easier, which I translate into maybe going slower and listening to what my body is saying before it’s screaming at me.

I’ve also been instructed to take a few ibuprofen before my run.

It’s not just physical, it’s mental too.

Facing an injury can be much worse than the injury itself, there’s a mental aspect of the injury too. For me, the mental part is worse than the injury. Fighting to come back from the injury and not just throw in the towel and give up.

The run that I had to turn around and not finish left me completely deflated. I was so disappointed in myself and it was a long, sad walk back. I’m not (really) ashamed to say that I cried. I didn’t cry so much from the pain as the mental roadblock I hit when I had to abandon my run and go home.

Was I really cut out for all this running? Is it realistic to have the goals of The Broad Street Run this year and the Disney Half Marathon next year? Why am I even bothering to do all this work, I’m not losing any weight anyway? Why don’t I just give up now?

It’s amazing how big a role my mindset and attitude plays in my workouts. Bad attitude = Bad run

I’ve been working hard to silence my inner quitter and stay positive throughout my workouts. In my runs since last Thursday I’ve felt great! I’m running further and I think even a little faster…Shhh, don’t tell my doctor. There’s been no pain and I’ve been really paying close attention to how I feel and my form.

Have you hit any road blocks on your way back to fitness?