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My Dog Is Kind Of An Asshole

4 Mar

Cooper is an ass

Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death. I love him with the unconditional love you save for your children or maybe your husband. He’s a vital part of our little family.

But Cooper can be a huge asshole.

He barks at everything! A gust of wind makes a noise outside and he jumps up and starts barking. The train whistle blows and he starts barking. Someone knocks on the door and he looses his mind barking.

Alright, maybe not every single time these things happen. It’s usually when the house is quiet and I’m totally engrossed in something…Like General Hospital or taking a shower.

Cooper hates my neighbor with a red hot passion. Every time he sees the guy he growls and barks at him like some kind of psychotic Cujo. The other day my neighbor stopped by (after dark) to drop off a package that was left at his house by mistake and I swear Cooper tried to bite his kneecaps off. It was kind of embarrassing really embarrassing.

The dog finds a way, nearly every night, to keep me up and ruin my sleep. If it’s not snuggling as close to me as he can with his hot little body, he’s sitting at the end of the bed scratching and making all kinds of noise. I have a king size bed and there have been nights when it’s just me and Cooper in it and I’m somehow left clinging to the very edge, just inches from hitting the floor.

Cooper has no issue pooping in the house. To his credit on this one, he usually does it in the boy’s bathroom so at least he has the right idea. He screws around when I take him out, sniffing the air or trying to chase the deer, then he comes inside and poops. Thankfully he’s only ten pounds so his turds are small and easy to clean and of course it’s nice that it’s in the bathroom and not on the rug somewhere.

Oh, let’s not forget about that time he locked himself in my truck WITH the keys and the police had to be called.

He’s a little dog who thinks he’s huge and wants to kill anything that he sees as a threat to his family…Which is just about everything.

Cooper is kind of an asshole.

But he’s MY asshole and I love him very much. He’s my sidekick. He cheers me up when I’m feeling low. He keeps me company when Bill travels and I’m lonely. I know Cooper will always be my pint-sized protector, just like I will always be his loving mommy.

Cooper is an ass

Do you have a dog that can be an asshole from time to time? Tell me about your poochie.

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