Warning: Men, you might want to stop right here. This post is full of too much information and the faint of heart should probably not proceed. Hey, you’ve been warned.

Kids change everything, including our bodies.

If there is one thing that no one could have properly prepared me for it’s the way my body would change while pregnant and be forever altered once those babies were born. Now I will share with you, in no particular order, the five ways having kids has changed my body forever.

1. My hair is a completely different texture than it used to be. Before I got pregnant it was stick straight and had the most lovely fine texture. Fly aways? No way! Now I am the only person I know of who has straight, wavy, frizzy hair. Fly aways? It’s a wonder my head stays where it is I have so many.

2. My hair also falls out more and takes longer to grow back. Yeah, more hair woes. I had fine hair, but there was a lot of it. Now, not so much.

3. My eyes have deteriorated ten fold. Yeah, I’m blaming my poor vision on those kids. Before the boys I had perfect vision with just a slight convergence deficiency (look that one up). Now I have an astigmatism so severe that if it gets any worse I won’t be able to wear corrective lenses. Without my contacts or glasses my world is a complete blur.

This is where it get scary folks.

4. My boobs have gone to hell, that’s right, straight down. They used to be spectacular, so perky and firm. Now they have the feel of week old party balloons. The loss of my bodacious bosom keeps me up some nights and makes me cry myself to sleep on others.

5. What the hell is the deal with the hemorrhoids? Seriously? I had never experienced those suckers in my life and now if I stand too long I get them. If I sit too long I get them. If there’s a change in barometric pressure they come out for a visit. If I’m having a nice day…POP, there they are. Will someone please tell me I’m not alone?!?

Have I mentioned the mental effects having kids has made?

I know the kids have changed your body too. You should share the most astounding and disgusting ways that your body is now something totally different.

Don’t get me wrong though, I wouldn’t trade those boys for my old body EVER.

Before I became a mother I was pretty hard. I could make it through (most) sappy movies without crying. Commercials were a minor nuisance and NEVER able to get any kind of reaction out of me, certainly no tears.

Since having kids I’m a hot, steamy mess. I don’t know if my hormones are so out of whack that there’s no saving me or if it’s all part of that fundamental change that occurs once you become a mother.

The other night I was minding my business, watching Grey’s Anatomy, when the commercial below came on. I like to tweet during commercial breaks so it took a few seconds for it to catch my attention, but it did. By the end I was near sobbing.

Am I doing OK? Would a cute little baby have those things to say about ME?

Someday, when my boys are reading these posts (probably after I’m long gone), I hope they’ll know I did my best. I know I’m never going to win any mother of the year awards, but I’m doing the best I can. Do I want to be more for them? Hell yeah, but I’m giving them all I’ve got. When I’m long gone I just want them to know that they were loved from the moment I knew they would be coming into the world.

To ALL the Mother’s all over the world…Happy Mother’s Day! Keep putting in the time and effort. Keep doing what your doing.